COVID19 Support – 360 Youth Services

What can you do if you feel like your mental health is at risk?

By: Michelle Sturgill, LCSW, Clinical Therapist at 360 Youth Services May is Mental Health Awareness Month. People around the world are facing increasing mental health issues during the COVID-19 pandemic. What can you do if you feel like your mental health is at risk? It is common to feel sad or scared or discouraged during a time like this. You are facing new limits on what you can do and that may cause you to feel anxious about the future. It can be hard to adapt to a new reality and cope with changes that you feel like you have no control over. Your favorite activities may be harder to do and you may feel disconnected from your sense of self and from others. It’s important to remember that your physical, spiritual, and emotional health are all connected. Taking care of all aspects of yourself will increase the likelihood that you stay well. Take breaks from watching, reading, or listening to news stories, including social media. Hearing information about the pandemic repeatedly can be overwhelming and can lead to negative thoughts and emotions. Take care of your body. Take deep breaths, stretch, or practice mindfulness activities. Try to eat healthy, well-balanced meals, exercise regularly, get plenty of sleep, and avoid alcohol and drugs. Make time to unwind. Try to find other activities that will help you feel physically, mentally and emotionally stimulated. Connect with others. Talk with people you trust about your concerns and how you are feeling. Reach out to your general health practitioner or a mental health specialist for more intensive support. For additional resources please visit our Get Help page, or visit the Mental Health America website which provides a list of great tools to support mental health: https://www.mhanational.org/mental-health-month

Parenting During a Pandemic – Navigating Emotions and Pushing the Reset Button

By: Christina Melville, MSED, LCPC, NCC, Clinical Therapist at 360 Youth Services Part 3 of 3 It’s likely that over the past 6 weeks both you and your kiddo(s) have experienced many difficult emotions: frustration, fear, aggravation, anxiety, sadness, and even sensations of grief as we mourn the loss of the lifestyle we were living a short while ago. It has been an emotionally draining time. Hopefully you’ve also experienced joy, laughter, gratitude, and even relief as you discover gifts that have come from being at home together. Children and adolescents are navigating their emotional responses to this unprecedented time, and so are we as parents. Sometimes those responses collide, and sometimes they are occurring on parallel journeys. All of our reactions to this are normal and understandable; there is no right or wrong way to feel. To help our kids manage their emotions, I encourage you to first be reflective of how you respond to stress. What types of behaviors or habits are you modeling for your kiddos? Do you respond right away in anger or irritation? Do you give yourself a moment of space to breathe and then tackle the problem? Is your tone calm and soothing? Sometimes I get overwhelmed and resort to yelling when I feel stressed, which tends to make the situation worse. And I remind myself that if I, an adult with a fully developed brain, have difficulty regulating my emotions, then I can’t expect my kids to master those skills on their own. Kids build their emotional intelligence skills by watching and learning from us. As hard as it is, it is important for us to model the best example we can. No pressure, right? But if we can work on our own self-awareness of what our triggers are and use that information to develop self-soothing skills, we can be better prepared to help our kids do the same when they are in distress. It’s okay to take a few minutes to collect yourself, breathe, and try to re-frame the situation so that you can approach it from a different vantage point. It isn’t easy, but the more you practice your own response, the greater success you will have in helping your kiddo manage theirs. Identify your feelings, say them out loud for your kids to hear you, and then let them observe your process for working through those tough emotions. It can be an amazing teachable moment for them. When attending to your child’s big feelings, I encourage the use of empathy so they feel heard and seen. For example, “I know this is scary not knowing when we can see friends again, and it’s okay to feel sad about it. I feel sad too,” or “I can’t imagine how frustrating it is to do all of your schoolwork from home. What has it been like for you?” Invite them to share their experience and emotions and reassure them that what they are feeling is okay. Even if they have an outburst, let them know it is understandable that they are struggling and that you’re right there with them to get through it. Brainstorm coping skills together so they have tools to use when tensions are high. It can be as simple as them taking a break and going for a walk, putting on their favorite music, giving them a snack or water break, or letting them take a few minutes to switch gears by engaging in coping skills like coloring or journaling. Partner with your kids and let them have some autonomy in deciding what they need. When self-awareness and self-soothing is not possible for either you or your kiddo because life is VERY extra right now, I’m also a great believer in pushing the reset button. The best part about it is there is no limit to how many times you can push it. Sometimes the process of resetting and making up is more important than whatever blow-up or tantrum (either by child or parent) happened in the first place. Human beings are feeling, sensing creatures and life is hard. Sometimes all the best parenting tips in the world will not prevent you or your child from yelling or lashing out. That’s okay. Push that reset button, take a deep breath, and when things have de-escalated, focus on the repair work with your child. Own your part in the communication break-down, apologize for anything you regretted saying or doing, and make sure to focus on identifying feelings for both you and your kiddo. Discuss what you both will try doing differently next time. Listen to your kids and help give them the emotional vocabulary they need to express what they are going through. Some days your response to your kids will be very Zen. Other days it will not. Give yourself and your kiddos grace to make mistakes and to focus on the reset and repair part of navigating big feelings. I believe one of the gifts that will emerge from this pandemic experience is our collective emotional intelligence and resilience will be stronger than we ever thought possible. Best wishes to you in the coming weeks ahead as we steer our world towards health and safety. Show up for your people, reach out to others, practice good self-care, and push the reset button as many times as you need until we come through the other side. 360 Youth Services in Naperville, IL provides substance use prevention education and counseling for youth and families, as well as housing for youth experiencing homelessness.

Reframing Productivity

By: Christina Graffagna, BS, Clinical Intern Therapist at 360 Youth Services Among the slew of COVID-19 posts you have seen in the past few weeks, you may have noticed one theme that keeps popping up: productivity. Maybe you’ve seen lists of great works of literature that were written in quarantine or calls to maximize this time as a unique opportunity to develop new skills. You don’t have to write a novel. You don’t have to reorganize your pantry. You don’t have to create elaborate homeschooling plans or fill your family’s days with educational, stimulating, creative activity. If this extra time at home has opened you up to accomplish goals, honor that energy and motivation. But if that isn’t the case… It’s okay to just be. It’s okay to use this time to slow down and take care of yourself. The state of the world alone can feel overwhelming. Release any added pressure you may feel to be your most productive self in the face of a pandemic. Produce empathy, joy, peace, safety, love. Produce whatever you need to get yourself to tomorrow. Meet your needs in the way that feels good to you. Whether that means curling up on the couch in your favorite sweatpants and watching a movie, or writing the next New York Times bestseller, honor your mind and your body in whatever way you need. Practice self-compassion and know that the number one item on your to do list (and maybe the only item) is to care for yourself. 360 Youth Services in Naperville, IL provides substance use prevention education and counseling for youth and families, as well as housing for youth experiencing homelessness.

For the Parents: Put Your Own Mask On

By: Counseling staff at 360 Youth Services When I travel, I am struck by one phrase that the flight attendants always state during their introduction, “Put your mask on first before assisting others.” This phrase must be included each time because, in the case of parents, internal instinct tell them to do something very different. When crisis hits, most parents want to shield their children, put them first and sacrifice to any length; our instincts tell us to help them avoid pain at all costs. This is all very honorable and automatic but it could potentially leave those same precious lives vulnerable if their parent doesn’t have oxygen pushing through their own mask first. During this time, parents will have one or more little, (or not so little) lives that are depending on them. These young people will need your help as they weather disappointments, loss, reduction of freedom, uncertainty and boredom. The temptation will be to prioritize their comfort and want to reduce their stress by putting them first, every moment of every day. This can lead to burnout or additional conflict when we forget to take care of the caregiver. Let’s reframe what I’m saying this way: Caring for yourself IS caring for your child. Prioritizing your self-care as you are juggling the intensity of this situation, the instability of family finances and the extensive list of unknowns actually gives you a better possibility to care well for your children. It is not selfish to prioritize your own care; it is necessary to weather these circumstances well. Self-care will look different in this season and many lifegiving options that are part of your regular routines may not be available. Remember that being at home doesn’t mean you can’t call a friend, do some online yoga, go for a socially distanced walk or sit in the sun in the backyard, breathing deeply for a few minutes. You will have to be creative but as you intentionally and regularly carve out attention for yourself, you give yourself capacity to care much more effectively for your children. You will simultaneously model this caring, tender behavior for your children as they are actively learning ways to manage this new level of stress in their own lives. As you find a bit of relief from the tension and pressure yourself, you will catch your breath. You will find yourself being able to offer them a different kind of parent in this difficult time. Putting your mask on first is the most loving thing you can do for your family and for you. 360 Youth Services in Naperville, IL provides substance use prevention education and counseling for youth and families, as well as housing for youth experiencing homelessness.

How to Cope when Your Plans Don’t Go as Expected

Telehealth Counseling for Youth and Families

by: Zach Gibson, LCPC, NCC Senior Clinical Therapist at 360 Youth Services When you work as a counselor or social worker, chances are you pursued the career because you like people. You want to be with them and help them through any number of challenges that life may present. But what is it like when you can no longer be with those people face-to-face and still strive to meet their ever-changing needs? Welcome to the world of telehealth in the time of a stay-at-home order. What all do we consider as we embark on the telehealth journey? As a trauma-informed counselor, I (and all of my colleagues at 360 Youth Services) have adapted in order to take counseling services out of the office, out of the comfortable, familiar place that my clients value, and have discovered ways to deliver that safety and security from afar. How can I be sure that my client feels as safe as possible? How can I best express & reflect to make sure they feel seen & heard? These are the thoughts that run through my mind in the moments before each and every telehealth session. Not to mention striving to maintain confidentiality and privacy for my clients from the confines of my own home. What are the challenges of telehealth you might ask? This is a big question, as things keep evolving every day. The 360 Youth Services counseling team had some experience with telehealth before our current pandemic situation, but we very quickly sought to expand our education & training for providing this essential service to so many folks. Still, there are questions I must ask myself at the start of any day with telehealth: Is this lighting okay? Will the internet connection be stable today? What if the session is disrupted on either end? How will this particular activity be received without being together in person? How can I engage this young person to meet their emotional needs today? How will I handle any new concerns that arise while we are physically apart? While not an exhaustive list by any means, these challenges & questions have shaped the telehealth services that I provide, requiring me to be a more creative problem solver. But how do people respond to telehealth counseling? It is my belief that people are doing the very best they can at any given moment. As humans, we are incredibly adaptive and this is no different for the clients who engage in counseling services during this time of social distancing. We may be socially distant, but as counselors, we are still very much emotionally connected with our clients and their needs. I believe this comes through in the relationships we continue to maintain and the progress & growth our clients continue to experience. You can be certain that counselors have their own hard days right now as well, but prioritize seeking support from colleagues, being active, maintaining routine, & having our own support circles through virtual means. While telehealth may not be the same as counseling services in-person and may not be ideal for every individual, I can tell you from the counselor perspective that we are working diligently to provide consistent, supportive services until we are able to meet with our clients again. Remember, we are all navigating this challenging time together. 360 Youth Services in Naperville, IL provides substance use prevention education and counseling for youth and families, as well as housing for youth experiencing homelessness. Click here for more information on counseling services.

Parenting during a Pandemic – The Importance of Self-Care

By: Christina Melville, MSED, LCPC, NCC, Clinical Therapist at 360 Youth Services Part 2 We are now several weeks into dealing with a global pandemic. Some parents are finding their rhythm with home schooling their kiddos and working from home. Some are taking it day by day and re-prioritizing what needs to get done on what feels like an hourly basis. Hardly anyone is living their best life right now. Hopefully you are showing up as best as you can, and are reaching out to your people for support. Prior to the pandemic occurring, I would venture to say that most parents were not great at practicing self-care. It’s the easiest thing to push to the bottom of the pile when you’re managing the endless responsibilities that come with parenting. In addition, many parents are conditioned to think that they must give 110% to their children at all times otherwise they will be failing them in some way. Logically we know this is nonsense, but emotionally we let guilt tell us that we are not doing enough; that to focus on our selves is to take away from our kids. I would argue that it does the opposite. Self-care should’ve been an important priority before the pandemic took place, but now I believe it is a crucial need for parents as we adapt to a rapidly changing reality. There is a frequently used analogy in counseling where we encourage people to “put on their oxygen masks first” before helping others around them (like we are instructed to do on an airplane in the event of an emergency). You will not be in a position to help others if you are not functioning yourself. Our kids need us to have our batteries charged up so that we have the patience, compassion, and presence to be there for them, ESPECIALLY during such an uncertain and scary time. Self-care is not selfish. It is a vital part of parenting that serves our children and makes us more available to them. And self-care doesn’t have to be something that takes up hours of time during your day. As glorious as it would be to carve out a spa day right now to practice self-care, it’s something that can be achieved in a much more practical way. Taking time for yourself a few minutes here and there can keep you going. Here are some ideas for weaving self-care into your routine: Do a work-out to start or end your day. There are an abundance of free, at-home workouts popping up on social media that are giving people guidance on how to complete quick body-weight only exercises while being stuck indoors. You might even be able to squeeze workouts in with your kiddos, and make it a family activity! Physical activity is as important for mental health as it is for physical health. Take 10-15 minute breaks throughout the day to give you a chance to re-charge. During this time you can check your phone uninterrupted, find something funny to make you laugh, communicate with a friend, meditate, do some body stretching, sit outside to get fresh air, or listen to some music. The point is to go “offline” from kiddos and work for a few minutes throughout the day so you can replenish what is depleted. If the kids need to watch one more episode of Daniel Tiger while you take this break, so be it! Now is not the time to fret over screen time, we are all in survival mode here. Journaling can be an effective way to take what’s swirling instead your brain and give it an outlet on paper. You have creative license to journal about whatever is most helpful to you. You can track goals and habits, write about your day, give yourself a pep talk, identify things you are grateful for amidst all the chaos, or fill your pages with drawings and doodles. I have found the 5 Minute Journal by Tim Ferriss is a wonderful tool that helps me stay focused on my needs. Yoga – There are so many benefits in connecting your body, breath, and emotions through yoga movement. It can decrease stress and anxiety and help you become more present. I have enjoyed Yoga by Adriene and if you’re interested in doing yoga with your kiddos, Cosmic Kids Yoga is fantastic for all ages! Get outside – Most people in the Midwestern states do not get enough Vitamin D, so now is a perfect opportunity to get outside as much as possible. When you’re stuck inside for prolonged periods of time, it can be rejuvenating to get fresh air and exposure to natural sunlight. As the weather and your schedule allows, try to get outside for a few minutes every day. Scheduling “You” time – I know a prime time to get caught up on your to do list is at night after the kids are in bed. It’s quiet and there are no interruptions. As someone who routinely stays up late to continue working or cleaning, I won’t tell you to kick that habit. But I will recommend that you take at least one night a week to ensure that you are doing things that do not involve work, family, or household tasks. Think of it as scheduling a date night with yourself. Binge watch shows, take a bath, read a book, do a puzzle – whatever speaks to you and your interests. If you can designate a specific night of the week to carve out as “you” time, then it will naturally become part of your routine and rhythm. Challenge yourself to see how many books you can read in a month or how many movies you can fit in. Once I make it a goal or add it to my “to do” list, I have a lot of fun checking it off and feel like I’ve accomplished something. Cover the basics – If any of the above items still seem impossible to weave into your day/week/month then I would encourage you to cover

Parenting during a Pandemic – You are Not Alone

By: Christina Melville, MSED, LCPC, NCC, Clinical Therapist at 360 Youth Services Part 1 Raise your hand if you’re feeling overwhelmed being a parent during this unprecedented pandemic. Now raise two hands if you feel like you have no CLUE how to handle all of the roles you’ve been thrust into these past few weeks. You are not alone. It’s okay to feel overwhelmed, anxious, and unsure of how to manage this new reality. I’m guessing you weren’t planning for an event like this, and therefore you didn’t have school lessons and mock schedules and blueprints for how to do your job from home laying around in case a pandemic left you and your family homebound for weeks on end. I certainly didn’t. And it took me two solid weeks of constant trial and error (heavy emphasis on error) to get my bearings. We had an abundance of tears, temper tantrums, sibling fights, technical malfunctions, and breakdowns as we attempted to navigate this new system together. Very few moments were worth capturing for social media. It’s okay to not have an intricate school system in place yet. It’s okay that your home isn’t running like an in-home daycare. And…it’s okay if it is! (In fact, if you ARE one of the people who immediately had it together two weeks ago, please share your wisdom with the rest of us!) This is a challenging time for everyone, and I think the most important things to focus on right now are: 1.) Showing Up and 2.) Reaching Out. All of us want the absolute best for our kids, but that doesn’t mean we need to be all things to them at all times. We also don’t need to do things perfectly. We simply need to show up. This might mean something different to you than it does to me, but the bottom line is that we know our kids best and we know what they need each and every day. We show up when we continue to try – to be present, to be compassionate, to be patient, to be loving. To pick up and try again when things fall apart. To remind your kiddos (and yourself) that you will get through this. It is NOT easy and I’m sure you’re exhausted. You are not alone. Which leads us to the next point. Please reach out to others around you. Find people you can vent to, exchange ideas with, ask for guidance, and share funny memes with. Don’t be afraid to be honest and vulnerable if you need to process what you’re going through. This is a time where we need community and support more than ever. You deserve to be cared for and embraced, and to feel heard. Start a group text with friends to check-in, look for places on social media where you can share your experience, or use a messaging app to exchange videos with friends. This is technology’s time to shine as we retreat from in-person socializing. Find the medium that works best for you. Show up for your people. Reach out to your people. And remember you are not alone in navigating this new path. All the best to you in the coming weeks ahead. We will make it through together! 360 Youth Services in Naperville, IL provides substance use prevention education and counseling for youth and families, as well as housing for youth experiencing homelessness.

Sheltering in Place & Boundary Setting

By: Meg Six, Clinical Intern Therapist at 360 Youth Services Families and individuals are currently faced with an unprecedented set of challenges. Some of these challenges are brought on by the necessity of coexisting in a space each day, for the majority of the day. Yes, there are some ways to achieve distance through appropriate walks and exercise, but family members (and partners or roommates) are consistently together. This proximity means two things: Almost everyone’s schedules and routines have shifted Conflict can develop due to how individuals respond to these changes If we think of our family as a system, the system will change in response to a crisis. Some of these changes are altered routines other changes are likely stronger emotional responses and changes in how we communicate. Some individuals may find the stress manageable while some might have a shorter fuse or be more emotionally reactive at this time. These are all reasonable responses to stress. It’s important, however families and individuals assess how they’re feeling and reacting, and what might help them. Once these new needs are understood, reflect on boundaries that might help establish some stability and manage conflict. For example, many people are now working or studying from home. Family members may misinterpret your physical presence as an indication of your availability to interact when you’re actually busy. This can instigate conflict if one family member is trying to manage professional obligations and the other is feeling hurt that their attempt at interacting was turned down. Each person is trying to adapt to this new routine but is inadvertently stepping on the others’ toes. So, how do we manage situations like this? Think through what you need, communicate your needs and ask others what they need When you ask others about their needs, allow them to fully express those needs before reacting to the request. If you don’t understand the need, ask them to explain why their request is important to them It’s likely that everyone’s needs have changed, talking about these changes can help establish clarity, it also allows individuals to better support each other Establish boundaries for your day, especially if there are multiple people in the house, creating a daily schedule can be a good way to set boundaries A schedule can be verbal or you can create a visual for each day or week Set up a routine for checking in to see how your new routine is working for everyone Allow for kids and parents to talk about new or different stressors, or to confirm if the boundaries are helping Remember with all of this that a bulleted “how-to” list usually looks neat and tidy, the actual discussion and follow through might not be. If this way of communicating is new to your family, there will be a learning curve. What’s important is making an effort to understand each other, balancing your needs with your family’s needs can take time. We recognize that there are different levels of family conflict. If you require additional support due to domestic violence, please use the resources below. Support and resources are available 24/7 through these organizations. Metropolitan Family Services The National Domestic Violence Hotline 360 Youth Services in Naperville, IL provides substance use prevention education and counseling for youth and families, as well as housing for youth experiencing homelessness.

Sheltering in Place & Connecting with Others

By: Meg Six, Clinical Intern Therapist at 360 Youth Services As we make adjustments in our daily lives to accommodate for shelter in place ordinances, it is easy to feel out of touch. We have forgone normal, physical interactions and daily movements for the sake of others’ health and our own. What does this mean for our ability to feel close to friends, family, kin and loved ones? The simple answer is, it’s just different. We’re limited. We may be socially isolating on our own or with family members. Whatever your situation is, it’s ok to have a negative response to this change (or a positive response)! What if you want to do something about it though? It makes sense that you want to change a situation that is uncomfortable. The first step is to notice what is making you feel discomfort. Take the time to understand what you’re feeling. Do you miss physical touch, hugs or just being close to someone? Is it conversation that you miss? Or simply being able to take care of ones you generally support? Now what? If we know more about what’s bothering you the most we can find different, safe ways to connect with your people in a manner that suits you. This will take some brainstorming, here are some examples to get you started: Let’s say you’re someone who just enjoys interacting with others but video calls aren’t helping. Are there online games you can play while you talk or in the interim? Video games, things like words with friends, or other challenges might be worth a try. What if you’re someone who needs physical touch? What tactile experiences can you incorporate to your interactions? Is there a blanket that reminds you of that person or a sweatshirt that gives you the feeling that they are near. It’s not quite a hug but it can integrate additional sensory input that texting or calling might lack. It’s also fair to be on the other end of the spectrum and feeling overwhelmed if you are isolated with family members. We’ll address boundary setting & conflict management in a future post. Remember that above all, this is a time of change. It’s normal to feel differently about your experience, and your connectedness as the shelter in place ordinances continue. 360 Youth Services in Naperville, IL provides substance use prevention education and counseling for youth and families, as well as housing for youth experiencing homelessness.